mi- (siesta, day-dreamin', sleeplez) thoughts

...the sequel of sparksinme.blogspot.com...

before may 2k5 (the left-overz)

Wednesday, April 06, 2005
what's passing me by?
i've had some chances to make my life more beautiful
once, he's blown it - i almost died but survived
...
before some days a go, the chance was rising, even brighter, warmer, prettier...
but then over an idiot like me, this time it's my turn to blow it...
...
people said, The best of romances deserves second chances...
:(
i'm shaking hard, coz the second chance already been destroyed...
...
dear the up above,
i know it's just too much to ask... but if, IF - there's gonna be another chance,
remind us not to waste it again...

Monday, April 04, 2005
lagi-lagi, bunuh diri...
pelataran parkir di kota bandung, tengah malam...
...
aku melakukan usaha bunuh diri,untuk kesekian kalinya
...
sayangnya, aku tidak berhasil...

Friday, March 25, 2005
fase bertahan, untuk kesekian kalinya
lagi-lagi saya harus menempuh fase ini
bertahan, dengan segala macam artinya
bertahan untuk terus mencoba
bertahan untuk tidak putus asa
bertahan untuk melihat ke arah mana jalan yang tersedia
bertahan untuk tetap bertahan dengan segala yang ada

bertahan,

"loving isn't how u let go, but how u hold on..."

hhh... fase ini adalah salah satu dari dua fase yang sangat saya tidak sukai...

saya akan senang sekali mempertahankan, ketika hal yang harus dipertahankan sudah jelas rupanya...


painkiller
mulai ga tahan...
mulai sesek...
mulai kerasa perih...

aduh, sakit.. sakiiittt banget...
gw butuh pain killer...
kalo gak gw bisa mati!

aku takut kehilangan dia
dia pernah jadi obat, pembunuh sakit juara
aku pernah ketagihan dia, aku over dosis
sampai akhirnya tubuhku kejang-kejang dan menolaknya

tapi pagi ini, aku terbangun dan menyadari
dia bukan lagi pain killerku
tapi dia sudah jadi gelembung-gelembung oksigen yang ada di setiap aliran darahku
kalau aku tetap menolaknya,
berarti aku bunuh diri

(soundtrack: sova- kehilangan)


Wednesday, March 23, 2005
doa sebelum tidur
My hopeless expectations, my gracious truly foolish doubts, my endless dreamy days, they would never take me to the place I want to be… right next to you…

Dear the up above,

Please strengthen my bones, so when I fall real hard to the ground, my legs are still able to walk and reach to the real destination


tru calling and at first sight intermezzo
Having this feeling for you, it’s scared the hell out of me
But at the same time, it does feel good and I don’t wanna let go
These walls I’ve been building, they’re getting down.

I’m tired but still have the energy to find out and follow, which way to go.

Einfuhlung, I was so eager to have it with you…
But then, I found out that you never wanted to have it with me.
So why bother?
Einfuhlung, you and me.. it would’ve been so wonderful…
Too bad you threw it away…

If I could see you like I do U don’t even have to sigh… No need to worry, if you could see yourself like I do No need to worry, if you could feel yourself like I do With that heart, smile and the hopes in you No need to worry, if you could see yourself like I do…

lembab jakarta
Despite how hard I’ve wished for what I really wanted
Inside, I feel like I’m hanging on empty hopes
I’ve been learning to be left out
I am learning to wait
Soon, I’m gonna have to learn how to completely let go

Dear someone,
Just stick to your old plans
You don’t have to change a thing
Coz eventually, I’ll be walking out

I wish, I wish, all I can do is wishing
I hope, I hope, feel like hoping is believing
Believe, believe, all I need is all my beliefs
Coz I’m surrounded by doubts in believing

Wishing, hoping, believing…
Before I have to decide, to stop dreaming and just let go…

(ONE OF THE LONELY NIGHTS @ SOEKARNO-HATTA AIRPORT)

trancelike trampoline
Suka nggak ngerti, akhir-akhir ini kayaknya capek banget.
Gara-gara sering “main trampolin” di dasar perasaan gw.

Lompat-lompat, tinggi, makin tinggi, membumbung… makin, makin tinggi!
Bisa liat sekeliling dari ketinggian, nggak kalah sama burung bisa sekejap kejap merasakan terbang!

Tapi lama-lama… pusing.. mual… capek…
Harus berenti main trampolinnya.
Ngebiarin tubuh bedebam-bedebum di atas trampolin sampai berhenti memembalkan diri. Ketika sudah terdiam, mulai kleyengan…
Turun dari trampolin, kembali memijak ke tanah, jalan sempoyongan.

Ah… main trampolin cuma enak awalnya!
Akhirnya sama aja, bikin pengen muntah!

(stasiun bandung, minggu 20 maret 2k5, jam 7 malem...)